Skip to content 
The world of dating is diverse, and everyone has their own preferences when they look for a potential partner or spouse. There are numerous people who put the emphasis on the intellectual abilities of the other person – the mental stimulation they can get while in the relationship and the wit and intellectual curiosity of the individual they are interested in help them make a decision on who to be with.
In this article we will explore how intellectual attraction may impact your choice of a partner, dispel certain myths about sapiosexuality, and learn how this kind of attraction can influence your emotional state.
Defining Sapiosexuality
Sapiosexuality refers to a romantic or sexual attraction to another person’s intelligence. If you are focused on how smart the other person is instead of focusing on their appearance, gender, or personality traits such as kindness and optimism, you can label yourself as sapiosexual. The conversations you may have with a potential partner and the intellectual stimulation they provide can give you the satisfaction you are looking for, and it is not a bad thing to focus on since intellectual connection can last for years and grow as both you and your significant other expand your knowledge.
Attraction Beyond Physical Appearance
Even if you would not label yourself as a sapiosexual, it is important to remember that your attraction – just like the attraction of any other person – can go beyond just the appearance of another individual. While the initial spark may be ignited by the other person’s looks and physical attractiveness continues to be a crucial factor, many other reasons contribute to a relationship:
| Key Factor | Description |
| Character and Personality | Honesty, reliability, sense of humor, empathy, independence, and open-mindedness are just a few traits you may find attractive in another person |
| Shared Interests and Values | If you find pleasure in the same hobby or activity or your principles match, it can be a perfect foundation for a lasting union |
| Emotional Connection | It is essential for any person to feel supported, respected, and heard on an emotional level which makes their feelings for their partner stronger |
| Mental Stimulation | Obviously, this factor plays a major role for sapiosexuals – they want to engage in deep conversations with their partners and feel like they are on the same intellectual level |
The Science Behind Intellectual Attraction
While sapiosexuality is still studied, there is some research that can explain the phenomenon in question. From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense to be attracted to a person who is resourceful, smart, and can solve problems – it is great for both survival and reproduction. Your perspectives, beliefs, and values can be shared by the individual who has had similar education and training which is why intelligent people continue to be attracted to people who prioritize academic accomplishments and their careers. Even if you do not agree with certain ideas, you can appreciate and respect the intellectual style of the other person and feel excited by what they can give you in a lasting relationship.
Historical and Cultural Perspectives
Sapiosexuality is a very recent phenomenon – unlike many other concepts rooted in psychology, it has only gained traction at the end of the twentieth century. Darren Stalder – an American engineer – has coined the term “sapiosexuality” to be able to describe his own preferences in dating life. There are certain concerns about the concept since many believe it is Eurocentric and elitist. At the end of the day, however, it is simply a preference just like sexual orientation or a desire to date a person whose looks you admire so even if you are not able to convince others of your point of view, nothing should prevent you from choosing who and what you like.
Sapiosexuality in Media and Society
Sapiosexuality is discussed in interviews and articles more and more nowadays – there are debates as there are people who do not want to separate it as a specific orientation as well as individuals who think it is rooted in ableism. It is easy to be misunderstood especially if you say you are sapiosexual but decide not to pursue someone romantically – the other person may be insulted even if you did not mean to offend them, and there were other factors apart from intellectual attraction you took into account. Still, as time goes by, sapiosexuality establishes its place among common dating preferences, and more people confirm they are looking for an intelligent partner as they describe who they would want to be with.
Common Misconceptions About Sapiosexuality
There are certain false beliefs about sapiosexuality that continue to dominate the media:
- Sapiosexuality does not mean a person is looking for someone with a particular degree or training – you can be smart without formal education.
- Sapiosexuality is not synonymous with a specific sexual orientation – while there are many sapiosexuals who are attracted to individuals of the same gender, it does not mean these concepts are in any way identical.
- Sapiosexuality does not stem from trauma – there may be negative dating experiences in your past but you do not have to base your attraction to other people on the occurrences that no longer matter today.
Sapiosexuality and Mental Health
It should be noted that sapiosexuality is not a mental illness – it is a preference for mental stimulation which, nevertheless, is able to influence a person’s mental wellness:
| Impact on Mental Health | Description |
| Stronger Emotional Bonds | Meaningful conversations can become the backbone of a lasting union – the understanding between the partners is taken to the next level |
| Personal Development | An individual who always gains fresh insights and challenges themselves with conversation and discussion is able to grow as a person |
| Higher Satisfaction | If your relationship is based on intellectual compatibility, it becomes a source of joy and gives you greater satisfaction in your partner and your emotional bond |
| Power Imbalance | Unfortunately, if one partner believes they are smarter, it can make them resent the other person who starts feeling insecure |
| Disregard of Other Areas | When your brain and intelligence are the priority, the emotional connection takes a back seat which may result in the alienation of partners |
| Unrealistic Expectations | It is very easy for a demanding partner to put extra pressure on their significant other and push them towards proving their intellectual capabilities which puts a strain on a relationship |
Nurture Meaningful Connections with Mental Health Center of San Diego
If your attempts to build a lasting relationship based on intellectual compatibility have not been successful or you struggle to relate to other people emotionally if you are not attracted to their intelligence, it is a good idea to talk to a therapist and figure out what can be done to ensure you enjoy enduring relationships and connections.
The specialists of Mental Health Center of San Diego can help you navigate your interpersonal relationships and positively impact your mental health – reach out to us today and become more adept at handling emotional challenges.
FAQs
What is intelligence attraction and how does it relate to sapiosexuality?
The term “intelligence attraction” is often used interchangeably with the word “sapiosexuality” which is partially true. Nonetheless, you can be attracted to someone’s intelligence but it will not be a key factor in the choice of a partner – sapiosexuals, on the other hand, value emotional and physical attraction to an intelligent person above all.
How does a mind connection play a role in intellectual attraction?
As long as there is a desire between you and the other person to engage in thoughtful conversations, share knowledge, learn from each other’s perspective, and cherish each other’s way of thinking, the intellectual attraction between you two will serve as a solid foundation for a relationship.
Why is cognitive attraction key to a brainy attraction?
If you receive pleasure from intellectual conversations with someone, they surprise you with their sharp wit and make you laugh, and the intellectual values you two have are the same or similar, this kind of cognitive attraction will indicate intellectual compatibility and a lasting form of brainy attraction.
How can mental stimulation enhance intellectual compatibility in relationships?
Whether you are a sapiosexual or not, it is important to challenge your partner from time to time – it does not mean risky behavior or aggression. If you can question their ideas, encourage learning, and invite them to find common ground during a conversation, you can get closer even if sapiosexuality is not necessarily a trait you have.
What are the signs of smart attraction and how do they differ from physical attraction?
Physical attraction is based on the looks of the individual – you do not have to speak to them to feel attracted to them. Smart attraction, however, means valuing the opinion of the other person, listening to them, asking difficult questions, and learning from a potential partner.
